LOLCat Bible: Luke, Chapter 2

Oh hai, Jebus iz bornd

1 'Roun dis tiyem, Caesar Augustus wuz like, "I can has sensus?"2 ('Coz while Quirinius was Teh Boz of Syria, is invisible census!)3 And all teh doodz went home for teh saying, "I is heer!"4 So Joseph went from Naz'reth to Judeeah to Bethlehemm whar David wuz borned, 'coz David wuz hiz graete-graete gran-daddie,5 An Mary went wif him, 'coz she was gonna be married wif him an she was preggerz.6 When wuz time for teh kittn to be borned,7 it wuz a boy, so he wuz wrapd in blanket like burrito an placd him in fud dish (srsly!), cuz innkeeper wuz liek, no room here kthxbye!
Sheep-doodz n Angels

8 Then there wuz sheep-doods in teh field, an they wuz watchin teh sheep in teh dark. Iz vry vry boring. srsly.9 An suddenly, visible angel! An glory! O noez!!10 But teh angel sed, "DONT AFRAID OF ENYTHING! it r ok, you can has gud news for all teh doodz!11 Todai in da city ov David, you can has sayvur! is Christ da Lord! w00t!12 Iz sign fer u, find da kitteh wrapd like brrito in a big fud dish."13 An suddenly, moar angelz! They sez, 14 "w00t to teh Ceiling Cat! An peace fer doodz he luffs! Kthxbai."
15 An when da angelz go invisible again, sheep-doodz sed, "sweet, nao we find teh brrito-baybee sayvur!"16 So dey left da sheeps (sheeps r vry borng) and found Joe an Mary and da baybee in da fud dish.17 An when dey saw it wuz baybee an not brrito, they told evrywun he wuz kewl,18 An all teh doodz who herd were lyke, "neat-o brrito!"19 An Mary wuz lyke, "o rly?"20 Teh sheep-doodz sed, "Yay fer Ceiling Cat! Was not invisible brrito!"21 On dai noomber ate, it wuz tiem 2 circumcize him (iz laik getting fixd) an they called him Jebus, 'coz teh angel sed tht wuz hiz name.

Jebus brung to teh templlez

22 When Jebus' mom an dad wer dun gettin cleen by lickin themslvs, they took teh baybee to Jerusalem to bee presenteded to Ceiling Cat23 ('coz hiz law sed so)24 an to sacrimifice two birdeez ('coz he sed thats teh roolz).25 So der wuz dis dood calld Simeon, an he wuz a gud dood and teh Ceiling Cat thot he wuz kewl.26 It had been reveald to him by Hover Cat dat he wud not dye before he had seen teh lordz Christ wrappeded lk burito.27 He wuz hangin out in da temple and when he saw da baybee burito,28 Simeon did not eated baybee but insteads hugged him an sed, 29 "Spiffy Ceiling Cat, I can to be dying nao, 30 'coz I saw teh salvation and teh coolness 31 that u maded for all teh peoplez an stuffs, 32 for teh Gentiles and for teh gloree uv Israel." 33 His Mom an Dad were lyke, "sweet, are baybee iz teh kewlness!"34 Simeon sed, "yer baybee iz destined to make teh rizing and falling of lotz of doodz in Israel, an doodz will say he iz not kewl,35 but all teh heartz will be revealed. O ya, and yer sole will be peerced, too, but nvm that wan, iz gonna be ok." 36 So der waz also an old proffit ladee named Anna (I meen REALLY old), an her daddy wuz Phanuel, an hiz famlee wuz Asher,37 an she wuz a widder. Sadness! She wuz in teh temple all teh time for teh praying an stuffs and sumetimes she maded cookies.38 She saw da baybee an sed, "thx, Ceiling Cat! U rokk!" an told all teh doodz about how Jerusalem waz gonna be a kewl place agen sumdai.
Goez bak 2 Naz'reth

39 When dey were dun wif all teh leegal stuffs, it wuz tiem to go home to Naz'reth.40 And teh baybee got to be big and tuff and smart and Ceiling Cat thot he was a purty gud kid, if ya know what I means.

Boy Jebus in da templlez, agen!

41 Evry yeer, hiz parentz went to Jeruzalem for teh Passover par-tay with all teh gud fudz, like lambses an crackerz an wine an of cours cheezburgerz an yummy stuffs.42 When he wuz 12, Jebus gots to go, too. Sweet!43 After teh partay wuz over, Jebus decideded to stays der, but hiz parents didnt knowtice.44 They kinda kept on goin wifout even askin, "Jebus, whar u be?" cos they thot he wuz wif othr famileez on teh trip.45 But then they did not saw him, an sed, "oh noez! whar are u, Jebus???"46 Tree hole daze l8r, dey found him at da temmmple wif da teechur doodz bein all smrt an stuffs. s-m-r-t. smrt.47 Evrybodee sed, "whoa, teh dood is rly smrt, srsly!"48 But his parents were lyke, "omg Jebus, wtf?49 an Jebus was lyke, "dood, I can has bein wif my Dad dis hole tyme!"50 An Joseph was lyke, "o rly? no wai!"51 So dey all went home togetha an Jebus wuz a gud kid. But all along, hiz momma was lyke, "o rly?"

52 An Jebus wuz big an smrt and both Ceiling Cat an doodz thot he was purty kewl, like teh beez kneez and stuffs.

Arlo n Janis (comic)

I Saw Memphis Kissing Santa Claus...

Puff's Appointment with the Vet

My brother, Puff, had his annual visit with the vettie on Saturday. He was a very good boy and didn't hiss or growl at the vet. And she thought he was beautiful. He is a good looking guy, even if he is my brother:



Puff got a good report and he weighed in at just a bit more 15 lbs. He was due for his rabies vaccine.

Mom took me, too. I over-groom by belly until the fur is gone and then I'll chew on it until it's raw. If I get a Depo shot about every eight weeks it stops me from doing that. Mom asked the vettie to trim my claws while I was there. She tried, but I got so mad!!! I hissed and hissed and finally spat at her. She stopped trimming then!!!

After we got home, mom packed up my meezer brother, Memphis, and took him to have is picture made with Santa. It is a digital picture and should be online by Wednesday. I will post it once mom gets it. In the meantime, here is another picture of my other handsome brother:



I wonder if he asked Santa for a tail. As you can see, Memphis is tailess and he was born that way. Mom wonders if he might be part Manx. Memphis came from a shelter and they didn't know much about him.

Clarissa

Going to See Santa...maybe

I'm so excited! Mom said she might take me, Memphis Meezer,to see Santa on Saturday. One of the local pet supply stores is having another weekend of having pictures with Santa for us cats, dogs, etc. Mom took Clarissa and Sable when they were babies, but none of us other kitties have gone. Spunk, Ginger, and Panda don't like to be held, so they wouldn't do well. Fred and Ginger are solid white and we are afraid they wouldn't show up well due to Santa's beard. But I am a seal point tailess Meezer mancat with striking blue eyes. I will be purrfect, yes I will.



Don't be conceited, Memphis. We know you are handsome. You don't have to brag.

*sigh* That was mom. I don't know what I'm going to do with her...

Ciao!
Memphis Meezer

Spunky & Ginger - Dec 2007 - Video

Mom was looking through computer files and she found a short video of Spunky & Ginger washing each others faces. S & G are true brother and sister and have a close bond. They will snuggle together, just like they are doing here.

Mom hates when this happens....

Heeheehee.....My sisfur, Ginger, is the one who does that!!!!

Arlo N Janis (comic)

Romeo crossed the Bridge during the night.

We wanted to thank everyone who sent purrs and prayers to Romeo, the kitty we told you about yesterday. Here is what Tootsie posted on the message board:

Mom couldn't save him, and she really tried hard. He decided to leave sometime between ten pm when Mom went to bed, and one am when she checked on him he was gone. Mom gave him fluids earlier today and he didn't want to eat. That had mom worried. Now she knows why he didn't eat - he was plannin' on leaving.

We know Romeo came to Tia Kim for a reason: He needed to know that someone could still love him and show him that love.

Purrs,
Clarissa & Co

Purrs/Prayers Requested

This little guy needs our purrs/prayers. The woman who has taken him in is an angel:




Here is his story (from message board I'm on):

He has had the saddest life- and he was rescued by (name withheld) sister-in-law from a breeder/vet who wanted to euthanize him because he had a heart murmur when he was just a kitten. Before that, his own mama cat rejected him. Then after (name withheld) sister-in-law adopted him, she gave him to her Grandma and he was a beautiful silver shaded Persian. Then the uncle got him after the grandma went to the nursing home- and he lived for six years in the uncle's basement, neglected and no sunbeams, no windows, nothing but food tossed to him whenever. Then (name withheld) sister-in-law re-saved him...and she couldn't afford to do whatever he may need. So the lady who has him now said, "Wait- dont euthanize him, let me see what I can do."

He looks like the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt. He has hardly any fur, is all of 3 pounds- purely skeletal, his skin is scaly and black, and like leather, he has NO muscle in his hind legs and they can barely hold his weight so he is very knock-kneed. He has a heart murmur.

She can't afford to do thyroid blood work - it is two hundred dollars, so she gave him a bath in medicated shampoo, did a fecal check, cleaned out his black ears, gave him some sub-Q fluids. The one vet told her if she couldn't do anything for him until January (when she can make him one of her pets that get a discount) then to euthanize him. She didn't want to do that, he deserves a happy home.

So, the other vet said he would adopt him, and do the bloodwork (its free for vets), and he could live at her house. Well, that is what they did - and they will probably get into huge trouble for it at work. Hopefully not fired.

The bloodwork, well, we will see what it shows. However, his blood was pretty much like mud- he is sooooo dehydrated, but soo soo thirsty. Sign of kidney failure.
She just wants him to make it- she wants to help him overcome and survive and thrive.

For those who understand this stuff, here are the numbers from his blood work:

Total Protein 5.9 5.2-8.8g/dL
Albumin 2.8 2.5-3.9 g/dL
Globulin 3.1 2.3-5.3 g/dL
A/G Ratio 0.9 0.35-1.5
AST (SGOT) 133 10-100 IU/L HIGH ... Read More
ALT (SGPT) 185 10-100 IU/L HIGH
Alkaline Phosphatase 16 6-102IU/L
GGT 1 1-10 IU/L
Verified by repeat analysis.
Total Bilirubin 0.1 0.1-0.4 mg/dL
BUN 72 14-36 mg/dL HIGH
Creatinine 0.8 0.6-2.4 mg/dL
BUN/Creatinine Ratio 90 4-33 HIGH
Phosphorus 6.0 2.4-8.2 mg/dL
Glucose 111 64-170 mg/dL
Calcium 8.0 8.2-10.8 mg/dL LOW
Magnesium 1.9 1.5-2.5 mEq/L.
Sodium 151 145-158 mEq/L
Potassium 5.2 3.4-5.6 mEq/L
Na/K Ratio 29 32-41 LOW
Chloride 109 104-128 mEq/L
Cholesterol 15 75-220 mg/dL
Triglyceride 202 25-160 mg/dL HIGH
Amylase 532 100-1200 IU/L
Lipase 102 0-205 IU/L
CPK 1768 56-529 IU/L HIGH

The woman who has taken him in has worked miracles with other critters. She has so much love for them. With purrs/prayers and her care we are hoping this kitty (named Romeo) will make it.

My Clean Shiney Teeth

I had my very first teeth cleaning yesterday! My meowmie was worried about me going under the anesthesia but I did just fine. I was a little groggy last night and I wanted to be left alone, so I hid from everyone most of the night. Also, I'm 9 years old now and that is the first time I've been "knocked out" since I was a kitten and had my ladygardenectomy!

My vet said at first that I may have to have a couple of teeth pulled, but that didn't happen! I'm really glad because I don't want to give up any of my teeth! Mom is glad because it saved her some toonas.

Mancat Monday - Bandit

This is one of my brofurs. His name is Bandit. He likes to be skrtiched when he's laying on the cat tree and he will cry for attention like a big baby! But he doesn't like to be picked up and cuddled. The only time he'll stay in mom's lap is when he has to go to the v-e-t. Then he'll lay in mom's lap and try to hide his face in her armpit. He's so silly sometimes. But we all love him. Bandit came to live with us in October 2006 when he was about 8 months old.

Snows!!!

We had snow in Louisville yesterday! It's so pretty. And I'm glad we are all inside!



A big limb fell in our driveway last night while mom was sleeping. She didn't hear it but we did! She was surprised to see it this morning.

Batman: An Update on my Nose Boo-Boo

Good morning! I have more news about myne nose. Mom took me to see Dr. Reader on Saturday morning. He is an animal dermatologist. That means he specializes in skin conditions of animals, not that he is a fur himself, although mom says technically humans are animals too. Anymew, he took lots of pictures of my nose, took some samples for cultures, looked at some samples under a microscope...and he said it looks like I have a "cold sore" on my nose. He said he won't know for sure until he gets the lab results, but it appears to be caused by the feline herpes virus. Dr. Reader said there was a lot of bacteria beneath the scab, so he gave me a shot. He said it was an antibiotic. He also prescribed 200mg of Lysine daily. He wants another biopsy so that will be performed through my regular vet's office/lab.

I liked Dr. Reader and the technician that helped him. They told me they loved myne name, and they gave me lots of skritches on myne head and ears. Dr. Reader even said I was one of the most mellow kitties he's met.

That's it for now. At least mom and I know more about what's going on. I promise to keep you posted.

Purrs,
Batman

Happy Monday

Another week has started and mom is at work. It's a lot quieter around here this Monday. Last Monday (Jan 5) we had two intruders in our house. They took out all of the old carpet and laid down new laminate floors in our bedrooms, hallway, and living room. Now we all run and slide! Weeeeeeeee...*crash* There is that problem of not being able to stop sometimes.

Mom had to make an appointment with an animal dermatologist to see my brofur, Batman. Our regular vettie has done everything he can for the dermatitis on Batman's nose. He told mom that if the spot was still there by the middle of January then it would be best for Batman to see a specialist. Well, not only is it still there, it looks like he is getting more of it on the tip of his nose. We don't want his nose to fall off like that pop singer's nose did! Batman's appointment is on January 24th.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

We left everyone hanging in our last post about that kitty that needed a home. Another lady in the apartment complex took her in. The kitty did get a clean bill of health from the vet. Now she has a warm home, good fuds, AND she shares a bed with the woman's little girl.

We also want to thank you furs who sent us Christmas cards. Mom got really sick with bronchitis and she didn't get any cards sent out. So we hope everyfur will understand.

And some sad news. Our furiend, Scooter, who lived in Delaware, lost his fight with kidney failure on December 16. His meowmie said he really started failing over that weekend. Although it hurt her heart to let him go, she knew it was the best thing to do for her loving companion. Scooter was 15 years old. (His meowmie said she will probably adopt two kittens in the spring IF she feels ready).

Lastly, we hope everyfur had a great holiday season. May your homes be warm, your bellies full, and your beds soft in 2009!